A Broke Boss Field Study — Cellular Edition
I spent yesterday afternoon at Green Timbers Park with my friend John.
He wanted to show me a YouTube clip.
Legs tired.
Arms waving.
Phone pointing skyward like a desperate antenna.
His internet: not working.
Not even a little.
After five minutes of signal-hunting, he gave up.
“Can you search it on your phone?”
I opened YouTube.
It loaded instantly.
No buffering.
No pixelated apology from the algorithm.
John looked at my screen, then at his.
Then back at mine.
“Pal… your internet is very good. How much do you pay for this?”
Intuition (Signal Check)
The moment someone admires your internet speed in a public park is the moment you know theirs is broken.
The Math That Should’ve Hurt
Me: $35 for 150GB. Speed: > 400 Mbps.
Him: $55 for 60GB. Speed: < 10 Mbps.
I didn’t even mention the speed difference.
I just asked: “How much do you pay?”
He said: “I’m under contract. $55 for 60GB.”
Then he added:
“Oh, and I have a $1200 balance left.
I made a down payment to keep the bill under $100, but somehow it’s $117 now.
I tried to figure it out, but… forget it. It’s not even worth chasing.”
Warning (Contract Alert)
“Forget it, it’s not even worth chasing.” — The exact sentence telecom companies design their billing systems to produce.
The Terms & Conditions Trap
Me: “Did you read the terms?”
John laughed.
“Who does that?”
Exactly.
Who reads the book they make you sign?
The book written to be unreadable.
The book designed so that when they raise your price, their explanation makes you think:
“It’s cheaper to shut up and move on.”
Definition (Fine Print (n.))
A legally binding document written in a language only lawyers speak, translated by no one, and understood by fewer.
The $1200 That Isn’t $1200
I suggested: “Why not pay off the $1200 and move to a better plan?”
He said: “Nah, I’ll pay it over time. It’s okay.”
I didn’t argue.
But my brain short-circuited.
What’s the difference between $1200 and $1200?
Theorem (Broke Boss Theorem #7)
One $1200 is a prison sentence. The other $1200 is a key. The math is the same. The mindset is not.
The Broke Boss Audit™
Let’s break down John’s “okay” decision:
- $55/month × 24 months = $1320 total remaining (approx)
- My plan: $35/month × 24 months = $840
- Difference: $480 extra over two years
- Data difference: 2160 GB less
- Speed difference: Buffering vs. instant
He’s paying more for less.
And calling it “okay.”
By the Numbers
John’s Plan: $55/month, 60 GB
Boss Plan: $35/month, 150 GB
24-month difference: $480 more for 2160 GB less
Why We Do This
Because we’re used to it.
Because everyone does it.
Because reading the fine print feels like homework.
Because the system is designed for the “Forget it, not worth chasing” response.
Because $1200 over time feels smaller than $1200 today.
Even though… it’s the same damn number.
Recall
Habit is the silent tax on every decision you don’t rethink.
The Box You’re Already In
John isn’t bad with money.
He’s just… comfortable in his box.
The box has a name: Contract.
The box has a price: $1200.
The box has WiFi: Barely.
And the terms & conditions?
They’re just the blueprint of the box.
Written in a language only lawyers understand.
Danger (The Contract Loop)
- Sign something you don’t read
- Notice it’s costing more
- Try to understand why
- Get confused by the explanation
- Decide it’s “not worth chasing”
- Repeat forever
The Broke Boss Prescription™
If you want to stay locked in:
- Never read the terms
- Accept “it’s not worth chasing” as a life philosophy
- Believe $1200 over time is different than $1200 today
- Let your phone plan become a park bench punchline
If you want to move like a Boss:
- Pay off the balance (it’s the same money anyway)
- Switch to a plan that doesn’t require signal-hunting
- Use the savings to fund your next move
- Read the fine print. Or at least skim the bold parts.
Solution (Exit Strategy)
- Check your remaining balance
- Compare current market plans
- Do the 24-month math
- Decide: prison or key?
- Act accordingly
Final Thought from The Broke Boss
Some people see a $1200 balance.
Others see a $1200 lesson.
John sees a monthly bill he’ll “just pay over time.”
I see 24 months of slower internet, less data, and more money.
The difference between $1200 and $1200 isn’t math.
It’s mindset.
And right now, in some park somewhere, someone else is waving their phone at the sky—paying for the privilege of buffering.
📞 Phone Bill FAQ (For The Bold & Broke)
Summary (🚨 Park Bench Verdict)
This blog is satire. But your cell bill? Very, very real.